SHATTERED LIVES

Ammachi - Dr. Annamma George, our mother - had passed away on 5th August 2020. She was 95, sixteen days from celebrating her 96th Birthday. 

Anna Kochamma was solid gold. 

How are you all holding up?

We find the going tough. 

For Lila it's the loss of her dear mother. 

Yesterday she was telling me, "At times I wonder, did we do everything well for Ammachi." 

Has an iota of suspicion we didn't do everything right all through the years we had stayed with her

I assured her it isn't

You did everything possible.

Don't even think otherwise

I miss her everywhere I look for her. She's not on her seat at the dining table. She's not in her room. She's not on her bed. She's everywhere, but nowhere. There she is getting up in the morning, emerges from her room holding a flask close to her body, walks slowly to the kitchen. She sits there on a chair at the kitchen, swallows a full mug of hot water with glum,glum and enjoys her tea.

Returns to her room with the flask of hot water. 

She did all this routinely each day of her life till  7th June 2020. It differed on the 8th. She was hospitalised - the first admission - in the night that day. There were three admissions in as many weeks.

There was visible disorientation in the morning. The routine was broken. Later she came round. Went on as usual. We didn't think much of it as normalcy had been restored.

I am sitting on my chair observing all this while scanning the newspapers.

Where is she? 

I miss her.

Ashwin had a special relationship with her.

Anoop too.

They miss her. 

Aaron was crying aloud seeing her inert.

Little Evana was telling us yesterday when we were in Ammachi's room, "Valiyam illa"

(Great Gandma is not here), looking at the vacant bed.