RELATIONSHIPS

 

We were born in the 1950s.

We grew up in the 1950s and 1960s. They were decades of shortages. No one had anything except a few. The nation had just woken up into independence on August 15, 1947. The British had left after dividing India into two nations and a violent strife that killed  200000 to 2 million of the population of undivided India. The partition of the country  into India and Pakistan  had been accompanied  by mass violence and refugee crisis. The chaotic period had displaced an estimated 12 to 15 million people as they fled across the newly drawn borders.

In that era of unfulfilled desires, people had somehow survived. The members of the families had bonded together with love and affection. They slept on the floor on mats. The kitchen was always busy where all the women in the house had exerted themselves together. Men would go out to work in the fields. Since there had been no other option people lived in joint families. They were happy though they didn't have enough. It was basically an agrarian economy.

Gradually the scene shifted. Job opportunities at different locations in the state or country or even abroad broke up the joint families. People moved out to wherever they were employed. However the family ties were so strong that all of them had made it a point to come together on holidays or vacations at the family house. For a couple of weeks it would be just  like the good old days before they had left for greener pastures 

Tourism of those days were visits to the places where members of the family stayed in various localities due to their posting there. The children looked forward to such visits as they brought them closer. It made family ties stronger. People were more than willing to help each other in times of need. They welcomed visitors, be it relatives, friends or at times even total strangers wholeheartedly to their households. Sharing and caring were the essence of relationships. 

Then we awoke into the 1970s, 1980s.and 1990s.  It was the Gulf. US. Europe. Anywhere. Everywhere.  Emigration was on in a large scale. The economy became dependent on foreign inward remittances. Though unemployment was very high, there was improvement in job opportunities within the country.

It was the dawn of nuclear families. With that, joint families were disrupted. They are now almost extinct.   

Now no one welcome anyone. You are not expected to stay when you make visits. The first question that you invariably face is, "When did you arrive?" 

The next is quite interesting. "When are you leaving?"

Between these two questions, you get the silent message that you have no place there. At the best, you would be offered tea or coffee or soft drinks and a few biscuits. You are expected to leave soon after that. In case you mention that you don't take the drink placed before you and request for a glass of plain hot water, you can be certain that it would reach you after 45 minutes. The message is explicit. "You are not welcome."

Relationships have lost their place in human lives. You secure yourselves within the four walls. Except for your own nuclear family, you don't think of anyone else.

No one cares. No one shares.