SIDESTEP

 

Adam Grant 

Think Again

In a heated argument, you can always stop and ask, "What evidence would change your mind? 

If the answer is "nothing", there is no point in continuing the debate. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it think.

When someone is losing control, your tranquility is a sign of strength. The more anger and hostility the other person expresses, it ought to evoke  more curiosity and interest in you.

It takes the wind out of the emotional  sails of the one who loses control. It's pretty rare for someone to respond by screaming "SCREAMING IS MY PREFERRED MODE OF COMMUNICATION!"

When someone becomes hostile, if you respond by viewing the argument as a war, you can either attack or retreat. 

If instead you treat it as a dance, you have another option - you can sidestep. 

Having a conversation about the conversation shifts the attention away from the substance of the disagreement and towards the process for having a dialogue