PLIGHT OF THE PEOPLE PLEASER

 

PLIGHT OF THE PEOPLE PLEASER

Adam Grant  writes in  Think Again

As long as I can remember, I've been determined to keep the peace. May be it's genetic. May be it's because my parents got divorced. Whatever the cause, in Psychology there is a name for my affliction. 

It's called Agreeableness. 

It is one of the major personality traits around the world. 

Agreeable people tend to be nice, friendly, polite. 

My first impulse is to avoid even the most trivial of conflicts. When I am riding in an Uber and the air conditioning is blasting, I struggle to bring myself to ask the driver to turn it down ---I just sit there shivering in silence until my teeth start to chatter.

When someone steps on my shoe, I've actually apologised for inconveniently leaving my foot in his path. When students fill out course evaluation, one of their most common complaints is that I'm "too supportive of stupid comments."

My answer to the question, "Why I avoid conflict," is :

1.It saves time.
2. It might save the friendship
3. It might not help to argue.
4. I don't want anyone to be mad at me.

On the contra, Disagreeable people tend to be more crotical, skeptical and challenging. They are not just cofortable with conflict. 

It energises them.