Adam Grant elucidates in Think Again
Children are the greatest gifts from God. They bring smiles to our lives. They learn from us. They depend on us. We learn from them. We relive our childhood as we watch them grow.They light up our lives.We live for them.We are their role models.They are there when we are in need. They are special. They are priceless.
PLIGHT OF THE PEOPLE PLEASER
Adam Grant writes in Think Again
As long as I can remember, I've been determined to keep the peace. May be it's genetic. May be it's because my parents got divorced. Whatever the cause, in Psychology there is a name for my affliction.
It's called Agreeableness.
It is one of the major personality traits around the world.
Agreeable people tend to be nice, friendly, polite.
My first impulse is to avoid even the most trivial of conflicts. When I am riding in an Uber and the air conditioning is blasting, I struggle to bring myself to ask the driver to turn it down ---I just sit there shivering in silence until my teeth start to chatter.
When someone steps on my shoe, I've actually apologised for inconveniently leaving my foot in his path. When students fill out course evaluation, one of their most common complaints is that I'm "too supportive of stupid comments."
My answer to the question, "Why I avoid conflict," is :
On the contra, Disagreeable people tend to be more crotical, skeptical and challenging. They are not just cofortable with conflict.
It energises them.
Parenting much earlier and parenting now is very different. It's just the opposite. These days, you have to be a friend to your children. You need to have a reason when you tell your children that something is not allowed. Now, it's all about reasoning and giving a logical answer behind what you say to your children. It can't be "because I said so.." You need to have logic behind it. Then, being respectful to elders or anyone the children meet is very important. Equally important is, children have to be taught to give respect to the people who work for or with the parents.
When these qualities are imbued in the children, people would evaluate them as brave, sensitive and well mannered. As we all know very well, kids of this generation mature way earlier. They are much more aware and intelligent. They are empathetic too.
You have to be a friend to your children. In fact you have to be their best friend. It's very important to allow your children to speak. Let them speak their mind. Encourage them to do that. Listen to them. But have the courage to say 'No' to sleepovers.
True, children learn a lot from school. However, we cannot forget that they learn a lot more from their own homes as well.
No doubt, dynamism in parenting style alone can bring the best out of children at the current juncture.
........................
Excerpts from an interview with Neelam Kothari by Sidhi Kapoor in the Sunday Times of India of 12thApril2026
Neelam Kothari was 15 when she debuted in 1984 in Bollywood. In 2000 she had stepped away from the limelight to focus on her family life and the jewellery designing business.
LONELY IT STOOD THERE
ON THE EASTER SUNDAY
WALK WITH THE PEOPLE, WOULD YOU, COLLECTOR SAB?
Duvvuri Subbarao, former RBI Governor
(Sub Collector, IAS, Parvathipuram - North - Coastal Andhra, 46 years ago)
writes:
Unless you experience people's lives, as they live them, your understanding will remain secondhand. Fieldwork taught me that experiencing a problem face to face is a lot different from reading about it in a file. Seeing is believing. With this in mind the Telengana CM, RevanthReddy has urged distrct collectors to spend at least ten days every month on field visits. The CM held that if collectors actually "dirtied their hands," welfare impact could well exceed that of hundreds of crores spent on development schemes. The CM is absolutely right in his initiative as it would be the most valuable investment of a district collector's time.
Early in my IAS career, as sub collector of Parvathipuram in north coastal Andhra, I was on a village tour. I had arrived on my first posting with more enthusiasm than experience. The learning curve was steep. The only way to climb it was by touring villages, by jeep when possible, and on foot when that was the only option. As I sat under a neem tree, the headman was explaining why a breach in the irrigation tank, sanctioned months earlier, had still not been repaired. The file in my office recorded the scheme as "under implementation." Villagers laughed when I mentioned that. They said the contractor had disappeared after taking measurements.. The irrigation tank existed only in govt. paperwork.
That was my first exposure to the difference between administration on paper and reality on the ground.
Nearly five decades later, I returned to Parvathipuram on a quiet private visit to see how things had changed. Towards the end of the trip I called on Bhawna, a young IAS officer who was the sub collector, my successor 46 years apart.
As we chatted, I asked how often she toured outside HQ, her reply was candid. "Sir, I'd like to go out more., but I am always on call. But never mind. Administration today is far different from your time. I get to know what's happening from videos my staff send me. I can check any situation, in real time, and confer with all my staff at once. It's more efficient than visiting village by village."
Though she had a point there that Tech has transformed governance, Tech is no substitute for real experience. Observing a situation with your eyes brings context, nuance and empathy that no video clip can convey. When you sit in a village home, walk along a breached irrigation canal or visit a school unannounced you notice things that reports cannot capture.
Wisdom from field experience is the unique value proposition of IAS. It gives the service an edge in senior policy roles over technocrats who have imited field exposure. It is imperative that policies discussed in conference rooms must not be devoid of the human face. If IAS officers retreat into offices, meetings and dashboards they would never have a better sense of what needs fixing.
Development schemes may be designed in secretariats and sanctioned in budgets. But their success or failure is decided on the front lines.
A collector who sits in the office may run an efficient administration.
Vijay Amritraj on when he began and the role of his mother in his life
Vijay begins with an anecdote.
I was playing a tournament in New Hampshire (New England) in 1973. Rod Laver and Jimmy Connors were playing too. First, tennis was a white sport (back then). Second, the entire hotel, where the tournament was held, was full of elderly white Americans. Dinner at night was a coat and tie event. I was 19. I wasn't able to wear coats and ties constantly. So, I would come down for dinner in a Madras shirt, jeans and Kolhapuri Chappals. As I walked across, I felt the eyes of the room pierce the back of my head.
Then I won on Monday, Tuesday and in the quarters I beat Laver after being down several match points. In the final, I ended up playing Connors, who had me 2-5 in the third set, with two match points. There were about 8000 people in that beautiful setting, all white, and I would say only two in the crowd were for Connors. I ended up winning and when I came for dinner that evening, several of the people in the room were wearing chappals.
I draw the analogy for the simple reason that there are lots of things that can be overcome by the way you are and the way you are able to get into the minds of people and what they like to believe.
Coat and tie was the expectation. It was my fault that I didn't have it. It was nothing but economics for me at that point in time.
You know where you come from, the way you are and the belief you have in yourself and the dreams that get you this far.You are coming from the late 60s, early 70s Madras to a world that you are not exposed to at all. Then to go there and compete with the best without having anything of what they had or what they grew up with .........That's what sports taught me, that you can compete at the highest level and win, because I'm good enough to do that. It wasn't a question of whether I was black or white, Christian, Muslim or Hindu, but whether I was good enough.
My mother was a wonderfully ordinary person, who did extraordinary things with my life. She used to always tell us, don't ever complain, just make sure you're the best. So, in 1972 on Christmas day when I won the Nationals for the first time beating Ramanathan Krishnan in Kolkata, and Anand (Amritraj) and I won the doubles and my younger brother, Ashok, won the juniors all on the same day, it didn't matter what colour or religion or language you spoke. I think mom's words are very relevant.
She ensured we were focussed on being the best in what we were doing.
When people like that get the opportunity to tell a child who wasn't good enough that you have to be good enough to be able to do this, the transformation they evoke in the child is just unbelievable.
The child reaches for the stars.
Excerpts from The Times of india of 5 April 2026
Tanvi the great
East or West
Mumma is the best
Never leave a buddy behind
East or West
Grandpa is the best
One needs to be different to become special
Times of India editorial on 3 April 2026 says, "Magistrate uses a 29 letter word. And, unwittingly makes the case for simple, stylish English.
The editorial concludes, "Over -long words which only spellers need be familiar with are doing the language a disservice. The essence of communication is to ensure the listener interprets the speaker, exactly how the speaker intends. Anything less is a failure of communication.:
Manoj and Girija are settled in Australia. We are good friends. They had visited us a couple of months ago. We keep in touch.
We were much moved, when they had extended an invitation to us to visit Australia and spend a few weeks with them in February 2026. We had accepted the invitation.
Unfortunately our own pre-occupations prevented us from going ahead. As we maintained an excellent relationship we wrote to them to explain why we could not make it.
Dear Manoj,
When you were here on 22.10.2025, you had invited us to visit Australia. You had told us we could do that during February 2026 and you would host us for two weeks happily. You had a look at our passports as well. You found that they were overdue for renewal. If you hadn't pointed it out we would never have taken it up. And you know there would be considerable impediments for the renewal after it has lapsed.
Any case the visit didn't take off for exterior reasons, we must say. Ardent believers in God, we feel it was God's will.
We are happy that you had extended us an invitation that none of our own kin would ever even think of.
Grateful to you for that.
However, in the current context, we are finding it extremely difficult to set off on a journey away from Trivandrum as we are heavily loaded with responsibilities that require our presence here itself for at least an year or more.
Any case, we are thankful for the invitation you had extended with love and affection.
God bless you for that.
We still remember our days together at Singapore. We cherish that. It brought us closer. You both were magnificent. We just couldn't believe people totally unrelated and unacquainted till then would shower so much of care, love and affection upon us like you did.
Life is like that. It leads you through unchartered territories often. But we, at the end discover, it was love that had taken us forth together.
We wish you all happy days ahead.
We pray the almighty looks after you all through in the future. We praise God for raising you up like He did.
We'll be happy if our relationship of love and affection remains for ever.
Let me close with an image embedded in my mind. It would never be erased from there.
On the day of our departure from Singapore, you both had to report for your duties leaving us at your residence.
In a week's time we had learned how to move around in Singapore on our own.
We left your residence in the afternoon, and took a taxi to Changi airport.
As we got down at the airport, we could see Girija waiting there. She had come straight from her office to see us off. Though we met only at Singapore, we had felt as if she had been our affectionate sister from birth during our stay there.
It was a surprise. We conversed for a few moments. Then it was time for us to report. We bid good bye.
But before we parted I saw her hugging Chechy with love and Chechy responding with equal affection. It lasted for a few minutes. Tears were rolling down from the eyes of both of them unabashedly. It was relentless.
I could sense the strong bond they had established with each other during our short visit.
We parted.
Grateful to you both for the ceaseless outpouring of love, care and affection
Love
Chettan and Chechy
Respected Bishop,
Ever since your elevation to Bishop, I wished to congratulate you.
To me, you were the right choice. In fact I had been praying for that.
As I listened to your inaugural speech, I could see it was revealing at once your simplicity and firmness.
And the song you sang at the conclusion, and your exhortation to the audience to join was the revelation of your ardent faith.
I know we had never met before.
Your presence at a meeting held recently was quite invigorating.
As I saw you walking in, I could sense my perception was exact.
I have my experience elsewhere. But that has enabled me to judge fast.
I am pretty happy when I see people conducting themselves with dignity and honesty.
I have an affinity to them.
You were that.
I pray God guides you in tackling the onerous challenge at the apex of the Church.
With God you can.
For me, you are the Joshua of today.
When God is with you, you accomplish, even the seemingly impossible.
We keep you in our prayers
Regards
sd/=
I raised a question.
"Three quotes imbibed in me."
Is it the correct usage?
Here is the reply.
Yes, "three quotes imbibed in me" is a grammatically correct and understandable usage, particularly in a literary or reflective context.
It means you have absorbed, adopted, or internalized three specific quotes to the point where they are part of your thinking or character.
Here is a breakdown of the usage:
Imbibe (verb):
While it literally means to drink, it is commonly used figuratively to mean taking in, absorbing, or assimilating ideas, knowledge, or principles.
Imbibed in me:
This implies the quotes were taken into your mind/soul.
Alternative phrasing:
While correct, you could also say:
"I have imbibed three quotes." (Active)
"Three quotes are deeply ingrained in me."
"I have internalized three quotes."
The usage is perfectly fine for expressing that you have learned and held onto certain words of wisdom.
Chokkalingam effect
Mr.Chokkalingam was a Field Conductor in the Aruvikkad Estate of the KDHPCoLtd. Aruvikkad was among the twenty and odd tea estates of the Company in the high ranges. Each estate was managed by a Manager assisted by an Assistant Manager operating from the estate office situated adjacent to the Tea Factory. The Office was headed by a head clerk supported by clerks. The Tea Factory was headed by a Tea Maker supported by factory assistants in the staff cadre. Together they managed the production where the labour force did the manual work. The vast Tea estate was divided into divisions that were managed by the Field Conductors ably assisted by Field Assistants. Here, the manual work in the tea garden was carried out by the labour force.
The company had been organising a football tournament every year during the months, January to the beginnig of April at the football ground at Munnar for the Finlay Trophy. The participants were the teams from all the estates of the KDHP and the Malayalam Plantations in the High Ranges. Matches would begin at 4 or 5 pm on the scheduled dates. Sundays were off days.
For the people of Munnar and the estates, the Winter Season of the three months were festival months. It was the sole recreation for the people of High Ranges where heavy rains drenched the region for the rest of the year.
I could see people running on the roads to reach the football ground to watch the hotly contested matches. As the school closed at 4 pm, I used to run 3 miles either way to put my books at home and return at once after gulping down quick whatever Mummy had kept for me at home.
Chokkalingam was a hefty figure. He was handsome. He was sturdy. He possessed a physique that was the envy of everyone else. He was the key player in the Aruvikkad football team
There he stood on the football ground majestically. He was the fullback. His tackles were strong. The attacking forwards of the opposing teams were hesitant to approach him when he held the ball. He was a wonderful stopper. It was very difficult to bypass him or go past him and strike at the goal.
Chokkalingam knew very well how to relieve the mounting pressure exerted by his opponents in his domain, that was the entire one half of the ground. He knew if the ball remained in his half, his own goal would be in danger.
He would dispossess the attacker with the ball and get hold of it. Once he did that he would kick the ball high and away, even dispatching it out of the ground. We could observe that there was never any planning in his wild swings. Perhaps he had no basic training in the game. But he was very good in delaying the inevitable.
Aruvikkad had never won the trophy, though they had reached the semi finals a few times. They were always a strong contender.
Chokkalingam effect is an excellent example on how we should not put away challenges aimlessly. It tells us we need to plan comprehensively without divesrsions or deflections. It teaches us brain is more important than brawn in our journey of life.
Rev. Dr. Santy.S.Paul, KUT Seminary, Kannammoola writes
Greenery in this climate demands lot of patient nurturing, which is very well evident.
Manorama online