Adam Grant elucidates in Think Again
Children are the greatest gifts from God. They bring smiles to our lives. They learn from us. They depend on us. We learn from them. We relive our childhood as we watch them grow.They light up our lives.We live for them.We are their role models.They are there when we are in need. They are special. They are priceless.
PLIGHT OF THE PEOPLE PLEASER
Adam Grant writes in Think Again
As long as I can remember, I've been determined to keep the peace. May be it's genetic. May be it's because my parents got divorced. Whatever the cause, in Psychology there is a name for my affliction.
It's called Agreeableness.
It is one of the major personality traits around the world.
Agreeable people tend to be nice, friendly, polite.
My first impulse is to avoid even the most trivial of conflicts. When I am riding in an Uber and the air conditioning is blasting, I struggle to bring myself to ask the driver to turn it down ---I just sit there shivering in silence until my teeth start to chatter.
When someone steps on my shoe, I've actually apologised for inconveniently leaving my foot in his path. When students fill out course evaluation, one of their most common complaints is that I'm "too supportive of stupid comments."
My answer to the question, "Why I avoid conflict," is :
On the contra, Disagreeable people tend to be more crotical, skeptical and challenging. They are not just cofortable with conflict.
It energises them.
Parenting much earlier and parenting now is very different. It's just the opposite. These days, you have to be a friend to your children. You need to have a reason when you tell your children that something is not allowed. Now, it's all about reasoning and giving a logical answer behind what you say to your children. It can't be "because I said so.." You need to have logic behind it. Then, being respectful to elders or anyone the children meet is very important. Equally important is, children have to be taught to give respect to the people who work for or with the parents.
When these qualities are imbued in the children, people would evaluate them as brave, sensitive and well mannered. As we all know very well, kids of this generation mature way earlier. They are much more aware and intelligent. They are empathetic too.
You have to be a friend to your children. In fact you have to be their best friend. It's very important to allow your children to speak. Let them speak their mind. Encourage them to do that. Listen to them. But have the courage to say 'No' to sleepovers.
True, children learn a lot from school. However, we cannot forget that they learn a lot more from their own homes as well.
No doubt, dynamism in parenting style alone can bring the best out of children at the current juncture.
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Excerpts from an interview with Neelam Kothari by Sidhi Kapoor in the Sunday Times of India of 12thApril2026
Neelam Kothari was 15 when she debuted in 1984 in Bollywood. In 2000 she had stepped away from the limelight to focus on her family life and the jewellery designing business.